Life road map: Don’t let anger deter you from getting to your destination

If you have ever been on a road trip with young children, you can expect to hear a constant refrain from the back of the car: When will we get there? So you give the update as frequently as necessary.

Moshe Rebeunu had to field many requests for information and updates on the long trip through the wilderness. But their challenges admittedly were of a much different scale. The Israelites didn’t have the same access to basic essentials like water. In their desperation, they called out Moses and Aaron, blaming them for their predicament: Why did you take us out of Egypt? Only to have us perish of thirst in the dessert? The leaders sought help from God who gave specific directions: Moses, take your staff, the one that you used in Egypt to signal the plagues and the miracles. Go to that big rock over there, and speak to it, and water will come forth for the people to drink.

However, in his exasperation with this bunch of complainers, Moses deterred from the specific directions. He did not speak to the rock; instead he yelled at the people. You rebels! Nothing but kvetching I’ve heard the whole way. Not a thank you, not a ‘please can I have a drink of water.’ You want water? I’ll give you water; and Moses struck the rock with his staff, not once, but twice. The Torah tells us that Moses really lost his temper. It says in the Talmud that when a prophet loses his temper, he loses his ability to be a prophet, he loses his nevuah. Abruptly the nation sees Moses as a regular guy who gets angry like everyone else, and no longer as an exemplar of behavior, no longer a leader. It is for this reason that Moses does not enter the Promised Land and that he is buried in a forgotten tomb.

Anger is one of the most common emotions that human beings encounter. If you make it through the day without having that feeling once, then you are having a really good day. So it is incumbent upon us to learn how to cope with anger, and to begin learning that at an early age. I used to have a punching bag, a speed bag; that worked. Splitting firewood, that’s also a good outlet.

Some people write letters to the object of their displeasure. Long detailed and well-crafted dissertations on how wrong someone can actually be. The thing about a hand written letter on paper, with a pen, is that when you have finally put the finishing touches on it, you still have to fold it up and carefully fit it into an envelope, find a stamp for it, which usually takes some rummaging, and finally get it out to the mail box. I have a few of those letters in a shoe box with other sentimental memorabilia, where they remain as a reminder to me that sometimes I have exercised good judgment, and that, by golly, I can do it again if I really try. The catharsis of writing is usually all that you really need to do anyways. But nowadays we write all our letters on the e-mail. In no time you can compose a masterpiece of retribution inspired by the vigor of anger and send it out in an instant to a waiting recipient, or perhaps to 520 in-boxes. Just the slightest push of that send button and the words can never be reeled back in.

Now there are times when you really need to send a message, when it is not only a purging you are after. So maybe you write a second letter, or you make arrangements to meet in person, and before you do, you figure out what it is that you want to accomplish, and how to say what you have to say in a way that will be received in a positive way, so that you can achieve what it is that you intend to do. That would be something really good, like water flowing out of a rock. You may have seen that in the woods; a stream of water coming right out of the rocks on the side of a mountain. That’s the source of life that God was telling Moses about. Baruch she’amar v’haya olam, Blessed is the One who spoke and the world came into being. We remind ourselves as we begin the Morning Prayer, to emulate the creative force of God’s word, in our own words. Our words can bring forth water that nourish our relationships as long as we speak from that place of prophecy.

Safe journey.

The Rabbinically Speaking column is provided as a public service by the Jewish Press in cooperation with the Pinellas County Board of Rabbis. Columns are assigned, on a rotating basis by the board.